I titled this first day of college because everyone else moved in today, even though Shaina (my roommate) and I moved in two days ago. Our dorm is adorable, for a dorm that is.
I want to be honest. The whole process makes me want a Xanax (which I’m prescribed FYI) but at the same time i know that this will just make me tired if i don’t cope with social anxiety normally. It’s uncomfortable and embarrassing walking to the bathroom after I’ve slathered my face in Aquaphor and need to fart because I don’t want to smell up my room. It’s weird talking to people and having them judge me as ugly, awkward, unsociable or “not cool.” There are weird previous judgements from people I’ve met at home, but at the same time I hope that being here will make those go away. Everyone is looking for friends here, for a good time, for “wild college times” that everyone else has hyped up and talks so highly of.
Apparently, we’re all in for the best four years of our lives. I think this is true and untrue. Who says that specifically this time will be the best? What does “best” imply?
Everybody needs to relax. We all need some drinks, some hugs, a few jokes from a couple of stupid kids and a class or six in meditation. We are here to grow into conscientious, responsible, self-reliant people, and as of today, the first day, we’re all still high school students.
To me, my worst fears are floating through the hallways: reputations, judgements, bad names, riving through the windows and hitting one another in the heads. I can only calm myself down by repeating, this isn’t high school, we’re now individuals, not sheep.
Whatever. I hear sirens right now because we’re in downtown LA. I’m exhausted from socializing so hard and we have a ceremony for entering college in the morning-because filling out all these applications and registrations has been so tedious! So now I guess I will go to sleep, or at least write about something more personal.